Looking for love is a demanding endeavour. Navigating a minefield of bad conversation, awkward faux pas and bad breath is just the frontline.
The best part about dating? Wine. The nectar of the gods is often the foundation upon which great love stories are made. But remember, wine-fuelled dating requires some very serious considerations.
Keep an open mind
You’ve levelled up from a casual coffee and cake to a fancy wine bar, but you’re no wine expert and the tome-like menu is outright terrifying. Sensing you’re way out of your depth – “you know, I feel like I really get people” – your date whips the menu out of your hand and begins to wax lyrical on the terroir of an expensive French wine that you can’t even pronounce. “Are you happy with this vintage?” she says, as your eyes glaze over.
Explore your date’s passion. She clearly takes an interest in the wine world and you might even be able to learn a thing or two about the glory of the grape. Feeling threatened by your date’s superior wine knowledge is not cute.
Pretend. You haven’t the foggiest idea of what vintage even means, telling her “it’ll have to do” because they don’t supply anything older than a 2008 will have you racking up the douche points in moments.
Get down with the wine lingo
“I’ve ordered a couple of bottles tonight, maybe we can chill at my place?”. Considering it’s been a good few weeks of good fun, why not? Fast-forward four hours and Dr. Wine has his amateur snout deep in a wine glass, commending the bouquet of the Chianti. Raspberries, chocolate, leather; the descriptions keep coming as you wonder how on earth a wine can ‘breathe’. Netflix and chill is definitely off the cards, you lament, as you sneak a whiff of your wine and get only the distinct bouquet of disappointment.
Get involved. Searching for those expressive tannins and hints of undergrowth is actually kind of fun. Even if your investigation is unsuccessful, you still have a glass of wine in your hand. Win-win.
Dismiss your date’s amateur expertise. All industry-leading connoisseurs had to start somewhere, who’s to say bae won’t be raking in the cash some day soon as a serious wine expert?
Keep the wine in the glass at all times
So it turns out your cute tinder match has less promise than Donald Trump on the campaign trail and as little class as the troll under the bridge. The red flags rack up as your date takes every opportunity to fill the awkward silences with epic personal histories, self-aggrandising statements and chauvinistic one-liners. “I’m a feminist because I love women!” he says, crowning the proverbial cake with his outrageously sexist cherry.
Assess how much wine is left in the glass and calculate how long it’ll take to drain it, giving you enough time to consider your exit strategy. Leave restaurant and delete Tinder immediately.
Drench your date with that fine Bordeaux. That’s a crime against humanity itself: thou shalt not waste a drop!
If you also need an emergency bottle of wine, craft beer or spirits in Shanghai, Singapore, Hong Kong or Suzhou, don’t hesitate to whip out your mobile phone and order on the BottlesXO app.